Being In Love 2013-02-04

I'm going to talk about something I said I was going to avoid. Yay for consistency! Also, I might be drinking right now.

I was in a relationship with a man for almost nine years, It wasn't a very fulfilling one, even early on. I stuck with it hoping things would get better.

He rarely made me feel beautiful, the sex was always awful, our typical day was spent in the same room, not talking to each other. We were engaged for the last four years of our relationship. I never wanted to take his name. When I imagined my future, he was never there. To top it off, I was ready to die, and he didn't notice.

I'm being pretty hard on him, he's actually a nice guy (too nice in the bedroom) and a pretty good catch for someone who is a better match for him. Many of the issues we had together were actually my issues. I know he's going to find the wonderful person he deserves before long.

Anyway, while I was with him, I fell in love with someone else.

With her everything was different; She didn't just tell me I was beautiful, she made me feel it. Things in my life were long-overdue problems suddenly seemed like an adventure to share. I was easily able to imagine spending my last day on earth with her. I was perfectly willing to take her last name(not really required, but still). Everything was so clear. I knew where I wanted to be, and who I wanted to share my life with. I was in love for the first time in a decade, and it felt great.

Then things changed, but, that's not what this post is about.

I think it's clear I miss the way she made me feel. I hope we all can find someone like that, even if it isn't forever.

with love,